A
SSOCIATED
N
EWSPAPERS OF
M
ICHIGAN
P
AGE
7
November 17, 2011
My mother had two standard
responses to stupidity. The first
was scathing sarcasm and the sec-
ond, the forceful application of the
back of her hand.
The second response was
reserved primarily forme, but with
the lack of common sense so vigor-
ously demonstrated publicly every
day, I suspect she would have been
prompted to take corrective action
on total strangers. I mean, some
people just need a good whack
upside thehead. They just do.
If you didn't have the sense God
gave green apples, she would say,
you deserve to be knocked out of
the tree.
She came to mind when, in one
day, I received no less than six
unsolicited safety articles about
the dangers and perils lurking
among the various trappings and
traditions of the holiday season.
Let me just say this, I only wish
these fools had sent this stuff to my
motherwhile Iwas growing up.
It would have been a hoot and a
half to have them tell Mildred, for
instance, not to let the dog eat tin-
sel. Mymother would have suggest-
ed rather profanely that any dog
stupid enough to eat tinsel or gar-
land deserves just what happens
when the shiny stuff exits the
digestive system. Only what she
wouldhave said about it is unprint-
able in a family newspaper. Funny
as all get out, but still.
Do people actually need to be
instructed formally not to feed tin-
sel to their pets?Really?
Oh, and just in case you are seri-
ously stupid, don't let the dog chew
on electric cords, either, because,
as this warning notice reveals, “it
can cause oral burns or electrocu-
tion.” Well, butter my buns and call
me a biscuit, if that just isn't the
most enlightening news I've heard
in years. Seriously, people, anyone
who doesn't understand that chew-
ing on electric cords can cause
burns or shocks is too stupid to be
charged (no pun intended) with the
welfare of a helpless animal. We
really need a bulletin warning us
not to let pets chew on cords? This
is how these people you spend
their working hours? Sending
press releases to newspapers with
these direwarnings?
My mother would have strongly
suggested these people spend all
this excess time volunteering at a
cancer ward or serving at a soup
kitchen. Idle handswill always find
trouble, she would say, and then
suggest that we wash the kitchen
walls.
And, seriously, how many plugs
would you jam into a single elec-
tric outlet? Isn't it pretty obvious
when the thing either shorts out or
starts to smell bad, or gets hot, that
you may have overloaded the plug
and might want to spend another
buck for an additional cord? My
mother would say, even a nitwit
like you (meaning yours truly)
would have that much common
sense.
One of my favorites came with
the headline, Bypass Your Bypass,
an ominous warning about the fre-
quency of heart attacks during the
holiday season.
It contained some ground
breaking medical advice: don't
overeat like a pig, don't smoke,
don't use illegal drugs, don't overdo
snow shoveling in cold weather, try
to get enough sleep. Really cutting
edge stuff, eh?
And the Yoga people sent me
some serious warnings about the
dangers to my feet while shopping
on Black Friday. Only 46 percent of
people have actually seen a podia-
trist to cure these injuries. Handy
information for Trivial Pursuit or
Jeopardy, no doubt.
Shoppers shouldn't overload
themselves with packages, because
then thieves will steal their wallets
or purses at the mall. And lots of
charities that call or send emails
looking for donations are fakes, so
don't fall for it.
Those online bargains that
seem too good to be true are just
that, these people will take your
money and run…it went on and on
and on.
Mildred would have labeled all
this “information” stuff any dummy
should know and if they don't, they
deserve just what they get.
I really don't knowwhen the hol-
idays became such a perilous time.
I mean, isn't still good will toward
men?Theholiday spirit of giving?
Apparently not, because I just
got another press release telling
me how to avoid an aneurysm dur-
ing the holidays----truly, that was
the headline the writer put on the
dire warnings about the holiday
season beginning with the
Thanksgivingmeal.
Oh, and
here's one
more, and I'm
not kidding
here, “Tips for Disarming the
Debbie Downers.” It includes
handy hints like: don't say anything
negative, don't constantly talk
about yourself, don't share your
woes and troubles and pretend you
areTeflon sonothing sticks to you.
Sort of like the stuff your kinder-
garten teacher should have
emphasized, right?
My mother would have said that
if your family is so toxic, unfeeling
and inconsiderate that you cannot
be yourself around them without
them ridiculing or belittling you,
you should stay home with your
untinseled and unelectrocuted
The handful of registered voterswhowent to the polls last
week have made their choices. New school board trustees,
incumbents, mayors and city council people have been elect-
ed or re-elected andballot questions approved or rejected.
The election is over and the decisions have beenmade.
It's time to stop the political campaigning and move on.
Winners need to get on with exercising the responsibility of
the office to which they were elected, if incumbents, or
learning the moral and ethical limitations and expectations
of their new titles if this is their first elected office.
If election signs are still up, and there are still some out
there, get out and take them down. As we said earlier, it's
time tomove on.
It is not time to criticize thosewhomay have been the vot-
ers' choice, or to continue to campaign against those who
may have lost. The voters have decided and the election is
over, it is now time to do what those same voters elected
these candidates to do, represent the will and best interests
of those voters to the very best of your ability. It is time to put
away personal animosity, personal prejudice and clever
political rhetoric in favor of doing the job youhave been cho-
sen for..
Many candidates will now be working directly with the
opponents they faced and may have criticized or disagreed
with during the election. That's the beauty of the American
system---voters have the option of sending those with differ-
ing views to the same governing body, so that more than one
political or philosophical viewpoint is represented in deci-
sionsmade for the good of all.
It isn't always easy to work with someone who soundly
criticized your opinions, your beliefs, your political plat-
forms during the campaign. Some candidates will find them-
selves working with others who have insulted, sullied or ver-
bally mistreated them. There have been cases where that
political rivalry was never completely displaced in favor of
working for the common good. We are confident, however,
that those cases are rare and in our area, our school boards,
our boards of trustees, our city councils, the candidates cho-
sen by voters are able to recognize political propaganda for
what it is and move on to the business of best running the
city, the school district or the township.
That's when we know whether the voters got it right or
not. To their credit, they usually do make wise and careful
choices at the local level.
While the turnout at the polls was abysmal, and the choic-
es which affect the daily lives of somany adults and children
left in the hands of so few, most of those who did vote did so
withpure hearts andhonest opinions.
While we wish more people would exercise their respon-
sibility to help in these choices, we respect those who went
out and voted.
Now, it's time for those they chose to demonstrate that
theywereworthy of those choices.
Elected office, if taken seriously, and exercised responsi-
bly, isn't easy. We wish all the newly elected officials well in
their newpositions.
Some candidates will find
themselves working with others
who have insulted, sullied
or verbally mistreated them.
”
I really don't know when the holidays became
such a perilous time. I mean, isn't still good will toward men?
The holiday spirit of giving?
”
Time for election winners to get to work
Who knew holidays were so dangerous
Help with grief offered
To the editor;
The winter and holidays are
fast approaching us. The holidays
are often seen as a joyous occa-
sion and a chance to come
together with friends and family.
But it can be a difficult time for
anyone who is missing their
deceased loved one. The
prospect of facing the holidays
without your loved one may
cause anxiety and dread.
Whether your loved one died
recently or decades ago, the holi-
days bring forth powerful memo-
ries that may trigger your grief.
Wewould like to help you.
We at David C. Brown Funeral
Home are hosting a special
remembrance memorial ceremo-
ny for the community. The "Tree
of Remembrance" is a time to
reflect and give honor to our
loved ones during this holiday
season. We invite you all on
Monday, Nov. 21, to the Brown
Family Center for this heart-
warming ceremony. There will
be a time beforehand inside the
Center for fellowship and
refreshments starting at 6:30 p.m.
The ceremony will begin at 7
p.m. just outside the Center.
Because it is outside please dress
warmly. If you would like, please
bring a weatherproof ornament
because during the ceremony
there will be a time in which you
can decorate the 'tree' with your
ornament. So gather the family
and come out Monday evening
for a comforting ceremony to cel-
ebrate your loved one.
The Brown Family Center is
two blocks east of the funeral
home. 678 E. Huron River Dr.,
(734) 697-5090. Please keep in
mind that we provide free grief
support throughout the year at
the Center, either one on one or
within a small group. Please call
me at (734) 697-5090 for more
information or to schedule an
appointment.
MaryMartinez,
grief coordinator
DavidC. BrownFuneral Home/
BrownFamilyCenter
See
Danger
, page 8
Letters