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Is a zebra a black animal with white stripes or a white animal with black stripes?

(Black with white stripes, go look it up.)

Why is wearing short-short-short shorts OK for everybody else but not forme? I am13 nowsowhywon't my Momletmewear 'em?

(Because your skinny little butt hangs out and we should all have learned a lesson from the horrors Jaycee Dugard and Elizabeth Smart endured. Look that up, too, and you'll stop asking.)

Is $74 too much for a pair of flip flops?

(Unless they do the laundry and walk the dog, yes.)

Is the oven supposed to smell like that?

(No, we accidentally left the cook-ies in there baking overnight. Does the dog like charcoal?)

Do Slurpees count as a serving of fruit?

(When we're in this kind of a hurry, yes.)

If I gave the dog her medicine and then Matthew gave the dog her medicine and then you gave the dog hermedicine, will anything badhap-pen to the dog?

(YOW! The vet says she's going to sleep, a lot, andmay suffer some um, intestinal disturbance.) What is that on the rug?

(Proof that the vet knows what

he's talking about.)

How did the cat get into the ceil-ing fan?

(I thinkMatthew tried to give him some of the dog'smedicine.) Can I watch Real Housewives? How about a rerun of The Bachelor? OK, OK, but my dad says that NCIS isn't age appropriate either.

(Dad's not here. I'm tired, and this NCISmarathon is all I can findwith-out surgically enhanced andmorally challenged dimwits discussing their reproductiveurges and actions.) Did lightning just hit our tree? How are we gonna get that thing off Mom's car before she gets back? (Oh my. Oh my. We need to call a tree service…and maybe a body shop. And the insurance company. For sure, the insurance company.) How many hot dogs can you eat? Are hot dogs bad for the dog? Is that, like, cannibalism?

(Two. Therewould bemore of the intestinal disturbance and no, not unless a piggy ate thehot dogs.) Is that more of that yucky stuff on the rug?

(Yes, and I warned you about the hot dogs. Get a rag and the rug cleaner.)

Look, Mr. Westmore has a chain saw. Are we allowed to talk to him now? Dad says we aren't allowed to talk to him. But he has a chain saw and he's just home from the hospital. He went in an ambulance and the police were at his house. Mrs. Westmore didn't gowithhim, but she went to see him a lot. Can we go talk to him while he's cutting down Mr. Barsoe's fence?Canwe?

(No.) Mr. Barsoe and Mr.

Westmore are yelling. Mr. Barsoe pulled the plug on Mr. Westmore's chain sawand toldhimto go take his meds. Canwe gowatch?

(No. Sometimes adults have dis-agreements and forget to settle them with words and try to be consider-ate. We need to give them a chance to work this out. Meanwhile, dial 911.)

They are using words now. I never heard some of those words. I think my Dad said that one time when the dog had one of those intes-tinal disturbances and he stepped in it.What do thosewordsmean? (They mean an hour in your room, without TV or video games, if you repeat them.)

Mrs. Westmore has the hose out and is squirting them. Can we go get wet, too?

(No. But let's go askMr. Westmore if hewants to practice his chain saw-ing on the tree limb on Mom's car, OK?Maybewe can give himsome of those cookies.)

Do you know the way to my hock-ey school? Did you find themap and directions? Have you ever gone this way before? Is this the way my Dad said to go because I don't remember any of these big factories? What's that man doing…..uh-oh, I think he's peeing on that building.

(I have the map and directions but I can't read them without my glasses and I can't drive wearing my glasses. That man is watering the flowers as a public service. Oh, look, there's a doughnut shop. Want a doughnut?)

Why is that policeman following us? Does he have a gun? Can I see it?

We are of the unshakable opinion that a little lighthearted fun is among the few effective ways to combat the trauma of the current economic andpolitical climate.

That's why we were less than cordial to a caller who want-ed to complain to us about the City of Westland website where there is currently a battle raging to find “the best pizza in the city.”

The concept is simple. Folks can access the city website and vote for their favorites. There are several pizza makers involved, and the totals keep changing as more join the com-petition and try to elicit votes from supporters. It really is all in good fun and the businesses and the city are taking it in good spirits. So far it's been a friendly competition and is get-ting people to the city website, encouraging local businesses and generating some publicity for them.

Sowhy complain?Well, it seems that our caller feels that a city website should only be used for serious city business and this is “foolishness” and “has nothing to do with running the city and awaste of taxmoney.”

We don't agree at all. This resident must have gotten some really bad pepperoni, somewhere, or maybe an expired anchovy.

First of all, its things like this, we strongly believe, that encourage the kind of civic pride and involvement that every community needs and strives for. Nothing makes for a stronger community or better neighbors than a feeling of camaraderie and fellowship. Hey, nobody is going to get in a fistfight or hold a grudge about tomato sauce or garlic crust---- but people are going to smile and remember that they voted or that they saw the contest online or in the various restau-rants.

As for a waste of tax money, not hardly. The website was paid for long ago, and putting this contest up there couldn't possibly have cost the city asmuch as one of the pizzas. It's all in good fun and a nice way to foster a feeling of community andneighborliness.

These days, as this economic tsunami continues to roll over every area community, it's small things like this light-hearted little city contest that set the tone of good humor and humanity for all the residents. It's nice for people to know that there is a sense of fun and goodwill at city hall and that when they need help, a genuine human being will try tomeet that need.

So, there won't be an expose of the waste of tax dollars or the “unfair” promotion of businesses on the citywebsite from this corner. We think our caller would do better to take the contest in the spirit in which it is intended or spend his time volunteering at one of themanyworthy causes in the area. As for us, we plan to do a lot of extensive research before we cast our vote.

More than 15,000 people attend-ed the Inkster Summer Music Fest lastweekend.

They crowded into the venue on Inkster Road north of Michigan Avenue Saturday for live musical entertainment, children's attrac-tions, vendors and fireworks. Sunday was devoted to outdoor church services and Gospel music, anddrewanotherhugecrowd. Mayor Pro Tem Patrick Wimberly, who also acts as the treasurer of the Summerfest Committee said themembers of the committee and the Downtown Development Authority, which also sponsors the event, were “ecstatic” with the crowds and the atmos-phereof theevent. Aswell they shouldbe.

This event began as a small gath-ering of the community about 12 years ago----and like the Art in the Park festival in Plymouth, has grown during the years to a major attraction in the area. While the majority of the crowd was from Inkster, the line-up of professional musicians andentertainers, and the fireworks display, drew visitors from several surrounding commu-nities. All of them were impressed by the organization, the planning and the atmosphere of community theyenjoyed inInkster.

The sponsors of the event can also take a bow. This was an extremely effective way to get their message into the community and the event was of a caliber that should make them proud to have beenapart of it.

Children enjoyed the activities set aside anddirectedespecially for their age groups, senior citizens were delighted with the care and attractions designed to meet their needs and residents of the city of all ages were entertained and, we believe, enlightened.

A word, too, about the profes-sionalismandcourtesy of thepublic safety people and the public works staff who were faced with the chal-lenges of an event of this size. Every resident of Inkster should be proud, indeed, of the people employed to ensure their health and well being. Let's face it, it was a hot, uncomfort-able day and tempers can flarewith little provocation in those circum-stance.

These people didn't let that hap-pen. Theywere courteous, alert and responsive and that attention is cer-tainly a key factor in the smooth running and problem free festival enjoyedby therecordcrowds. The large cadre of volunteers who worked diligently to see that every concern was addressed and that the myriad of details that need attention were tended also deserves high praise for their unstinting and effective perform-ance.

We have said it many times, before, and our belief remains unshaken. These community festi-vals and events are integral to the success of any municipality. They bring neighbors together, they pro-